We're facebook friends in real life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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