At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
