My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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