A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
