I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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