I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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