He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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