Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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