Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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