That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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