smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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