Don't you send me to vm
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
