Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
