Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
