got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
