and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
