would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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