yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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