But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
