wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
