He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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