it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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