remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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