Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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