I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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