What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
