is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
