they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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