apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
