So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
