I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
