Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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