508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
