he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
