I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize