Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
