remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
