Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
