Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
