She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize