Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
