just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
