Dual....:-)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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