here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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