Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
