ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
