census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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