you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
