You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
