Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
