nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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