will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
