I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
40s are totally the cure
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
