it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
