just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
