he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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