Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
