don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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