where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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