Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
