I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
