He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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