That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
