he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
